Dia: When Two Things Feel True at once
Muscle Memory: “Doing tasks over and over, building strong connections in the brain and nervous system, until your actions will move to subconscious control”
The thing with muscle memory is that it takes time, much like learning to ride a bicycle again or regaining trust after a shitty past relationship. When we go through something overwhelming, uncomfortable, and anxiety-inducing, our minds and bodies are consistently rotating in fight-or-flight mode. Maybe we don’t feel safe, or are always waiting for something to go wrong. Our brain gets used to that learned thing and can’t understand another perspective because we haven't had a safer experience; this is “all we know.”
When we find ourselves experiencing something different after enduring something challenging, our brain automatically turns what may feel different into that constant fight-or-flight because “Sometimes, what is familiar feels safer than what is actually safe.” So, over time, we have to find the patience to retrain our brains to remember that not all new situations are bad. Difference is good; it is just hard to imagine anything else, and the only way our brains will revert back to knowing what's good for us is through time.
In moments like this, we may feel two opposing emotions, which are often better understood through a dialectical framework. Dialectical thinking allows us to recognize that two things can be true at the same time. We may feel peace and instability, or confusion and stability. Our brains get confused by the stillness and automatically want to go back to what once was. And, over time, we will realize that the feeling of “stillness” is “normal.” Our thoughts will slowly lessen and will feel less overwhelming. We must check the evidence and ask ourselves: Was something notable enough to make me feel this way? If not, then it really is just an intrusive thought that will quietly settle into stillness.
Healing and identifying emotional patterns is its own kind of muscle memory. We have spent so much time teaching our brains to expect danger that learning how to recognize safety takes just as much patience and repetition. We slowly have to teach ourselves that there are safer experiences out there. Eventually, what felt unfamiliar will become familiar. Healing doesn't mean intrusive thoughts will never come back, but it means learning that we don't always have to believe them.
